Monday, 5 March 2018

I THINK I WAS MY FIRST LOVE


I don't think I've ever shared the story about how the boy and I met. It's one of those stories that is so ridiculously romantic it could be a movie. I'm just playing y'all it's probably the least most romantic story but it is kinda cute. But before I get into that I will explain the motivation behind the title. So, I came across this random post on Instagram that said, 'We only fall in love with 3 people in our lifetime - Each one for a specific reason'. It was the type of post that required you to swipe and read, so that is exactly what I did and this is what it said. It is a common belief that each person only falls in love three times during their lifetime. However, each one of these happens under a very different light from the one before and each serves a very different purpose.

The First 
The first love happens when we are young, sometimes as young as the time we are in high school. This love fulfills the dreams of our youth and fulfills our idealistic belief of what we expect love to look like - just like the fairy tails. This love fulfills our need to live up to society's expectations. We jump into this love headfirst believing that this person will be our only love (even if it does not feel quite right) and convince ourselves that this is how love should look like. This love focuses more on how others perceive us versus how we actually feel.



The Second
The next love, the second love, is the hard love. This is the love that teaches us lessons about ourselves and what we need to feel loved in any relationship. This love brings with it great pain - the pain of loss, deceit and lies. During this love we believe we are doing things differently, but we are not. We tend to hold steadfast to this love because the relationship is different from the last one. However, this one is the one where we will grow. This is the one where we will experience pain. And this is the love where we will realise what we really need out of our next relationship. This love is often unhealthy and rather unbalanced. During this love there can be emotional or physical abuse and often there is some form of manipulation at play. This love is surrounded by a constant state of drama and this drama is the reason we hold on. The drama becomes addictive and it becomes hard to break the cycle. This love brings with it a strong need to make things work versus focusing on if the relationship is working. This is the love we hoped would last forever.

The Third
The last love is the love that comes out of left field. This is the love that surprises us and destroys any ideas of what we believed our love should look like. This love is easy and we wonder how it is possible that love could be this simple and has no complications. It is the love that sweeps us off our feet because we were not looking for a relationship. This is the love where everything feels as though it is falling perfectly into place. This love is uncomplicated and is not filled with expectations. Perfection is not something we feel pressure to achieve and find ourselves perfectly content in our lives and our relationship. This love does not look like the love we dreamed we would have and this love does not follow any of the rules we had set up for ourselves. This love break any notions we had about what our greatest love would look like and shatters any beliefs of how we thought it would be. This love just simply feels right. It is the love that has been knocking at our door for ages and we finally decided to answer. It is the love that teaches us how to feel love and to give love.


And that is how the boy and I got together - I answered the door. It was a bit of a KimYe situation, we had known each other and had been friends for almost ten years prior to getting into a relationship. During that time I met my second 'love', I use that word very loosely as our relationship quite literally ticked the dysfunctional box. It was a mess, full of drama and negativity and by staying in it I lost sight of my first love, the love I had for myself. He wasn't a good guy but I wasn't being any better to myself at the time by allowing and accepting his behavior. I have this thing, that I think I inherited from my mother that I attract people with issues and I stick with them, because loyalty is important to me. But I've learnt I have to be loyal to myself first, that took some painful lessons to learn. There was no funny business between the boy and I, he was also in a relationship at the time too and tbh I saw him as nothing more than a friend. Then one day out of nowhere he told me had feelings for me - so I ran a mile. I wasn't ready for a relationship, especially since my last one almost broke me. But being with him is like polar opposites to my last relationship, it has by no means been perfect (nothing is) but it has without a doubt swept me off my feet and taught me how to feel love and how to give it. 

Now don't get me wrong, this is not a one size fits all situation. Some people marry their childhood sweetheart, others divorce three times. I do also believe that one person can be all three loves depending on the length of your relationship, there is no golden rule. I'm no relationships expert and this may or may not be applicable to you, but some of what I read really resonated with me. The most interesting thing that came from me reading the post was it reminded me how much I love myself and through a relationship I didn't place as much value on that. But that's just me, everyone will have a different story, feel free you share yours. xx

Dress: In The Style | T-Shirt: Primark | Boots: Lola Shoetique (Similar) | Bag: H&M | Earrings: H&M (in silver) / (Similar
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6 comments

  1. I love this post πŸ’• it made me sigh as I recognise the first and second love all too well as I’m currently trying to break away from my second love. Gives me hope that there is something better to look forward to.
    You look gorgeous btw. I love that you put a t shirt under the dress. Wishing you many more years of good outfits, love and light x

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    1. Thank you Cynthia πŸ’–πŸ’– I remember that time myself. Deffo better things to come your way. Thanks hun, I wasn’t quite ready for just the dress. Love and light to you too xxx

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  2. Im in tears bro! Great read- i love me and i hope that i feel what you feel one day when the time is right

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    1. Awww Nishmomo ❤️❤️ Thank you. You will for sure, I have no doubt XX

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  3. I really enjoyed reading this. I resonated a lot with this too. I guess for some of us there is a process we have to go through to get back to taking care of ourselves and meeting our own needs. That's the point where we attract the right situations. Thanks for sharing πŸ™πŸΌπŸ’•

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    1. Thanks Sahar, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I agree sometimes there is a process. Love & Light. L xx

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